Deep Dive

Finding Your Path Forward

Moving Beyond Indecision When There's No Perfect Answer

There’s a certain kind of decision that lingers – not because the facts aren’t clear, but because the meaning is heavy.

What if this is your turning point?

Your doctor says the next step is a penile implant. You’ve tried pills. Injections. You still want to be sexually active.

You still want to feel like yourself. But this step feels different – more final, more serious. And that weight? 

It’s not just clinical. It’s emotional. Even though you know it could help, you’re just not sure.

I’m reminded of a man – a family member of someone close to me – who had bladder cancer. 

The surgery saved his life but left him impotent. 

He once said, “I’ve never been married. I don’t have a partner. But if I can’t perform, I don’t think I’ll ever date or look for love.” 

That stuck with me. Not because of the implant, but because of the vulnerability behind it.

This issue isn’t about the procedure – it’s about the decision. The quiet conversation you’re having with yourself. 

And while it focuses on implants, it could apply to anyone facing a leap that asks you to choose change.

If you're curious how the implant works, watch this video or check out The Modern Man’s Guide to Penile Implants.

What does this mean about me? What will I lose? What might I regain if I say yes?

If you're reading this and thinking, this sounds like me – it’s because I’m writing it for you.

Standing at the Crossroads

There’s no shame in staying where you are. If you’ve found peace or connection in other ways, that’s valid.

But indecision? That’s different. That’s when you haven’t chosen either path. You’re not content, but not ready to move forward either. It’s a heavy place to sit.

Indecision gives the illusion of safety – but it keeps you stuck. 

And sometimes, that in-between space – where you haven’t said no, but haven’t said yes – can be the most draining place to live.

Let’s look at both options:

• Stay as you are. This path can bring its own peace. Many men find fulfillment through accepting changes in their bodies, discovering different ways to connect intimately, and focusing on other aspects of their relationship. This choice isn't about giving up – it's about finding contentment where you are.
  

• Say yes. Not to perfection. But to the possibility of intimacy again. Confidence. Closeness. Awkward beginnings and learning to trust your body again.

Neither path is wrong. But staying frozen is its own kind of suffering.

What’s Really at Stake

This isn't about becoming who you were at 30. You're not that man anymore. None of us are.

But it doesn’t mean you stop growing. What’s at stake isn’t just your sex life – it’s how much of yourself you’re willing to reclaim.

You are not broken. You’ve been through something real – illness, aging, loss, or quiet years of fading function.

But this isn’t the end of your story. This is the part where you choose how to meet the moment – not in denial, but with courage.

Change can feel scary. 

But it might also thaw something that’s been asleep for too long – something that’s still very much alive in you, waiting to be invited back in.

Facing the Fears

It’s normal to be afraid. Of surgery. Of change. Of how your partner might see you.

You may worry: Will it feel natural? What if it doesn’t work? Will this make me seem less like myself?

Maybe you’re afraid not for you, but for your partner – worried they’re saying “it’s fine” when it really isn’t. 

Or wondering if you’re making this choice for them, not yourself.

All of that is valid.

But fear doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you care. It means this decision matters.

And remember: You’re not alone. There are men who’ve done this – and partners who’ve stood beside them.

What You Might Gain

Let’s flip the script. Instead of asking what could go wrong – ask what might go right.

• What if you regained confidence – not youthful bravado, but real, grounded self-assurance?
  

• What if you opened the door to closeness again – not just physical, but emotional?

Saying yes isn’t about fixing something broken. It’s about reconnecting to something that matters.

How to Break It Down

You don’t have to figure this out in your head. But you do need to get honest with yourself about what you're really hoping for.

Here’s one question that can help:

What if it all works out?

Imagine both outcomes:

• You decide not to have the implant – and it works out better than expected. You find peace. Closeness. Confidence. Would that feel like enough?
  

• You go ahead with the implant – and it works. It brings connection, confidence, and the ability to show up again. Which version would you want to live?

That question doesn’t promise certainty. But it does help shift your focus from fear to desire. From what might go wrong, to what might actually go right.

There's no universally right answer—only the answer that's right for you.

Some practical ways to explore this:

• Journal. Write down what you fear, what you hope, and what a good outcome looks like.
  

• Side-by-side list. Compare staying as-is vs. moving forward. List pros, cons, unknowns.
  

Who to talk to:

• Your partner. Share your fears. Hear theirs.
  

• Your doctor. Ask the hard questions.
  

• A counselor. Especially one who understands intimacy or post-cancer recovery.
  

• A patient advocate. Someone who’s lived it.
  

And if you need support thinking through it, I offer one-on-one coaching.

Your urologist may also know patients and partners willing to talk – they’ve been there too.

If You’re Ready to Decide

If you’ve made it this far, you care about this decision. Maybe you're still unsure. That’s okay.

But don’t let that uncertainty keep you stuck. Reflection is important – but eventually, you have to move.

You deserve clarity. You deserve movement. You deserve to live a life that reflects what matters to you.

No one else can make this call. But you don’t have to make it alone.

Because being in this stage of life – whether retirement, recovery, or reinvention – often means learning to welcome change. 

Or at least, to stop resisting it.

You don't have to be fearless. You just have to be honest. 

The next step might be scheduling that consultation, having that conversation with your partner, or simply writing down what matters most to you now. 

Whatever you decide, make it a decision you own, not one made by default through inaction.