Deep Dive

How to Know If You’re Really Ready for Sex Again

What Signals It’s Time After Cancer, Surgery, or Time Away

Some men ask, “When can I have sex again?”

But the better question is, “Am I ready for this version of sex now?”

Not just physically, mentally, emotionally or relationally.

Recovering from prostate cancer, surgery, or time away from intimacy isn’t about returning to what was. 

It’s about moving forward into what fits now with clarity, not pressure.

You don’t need to rush. You don’t owe anyone a deadline. And you don’t have to wait for perfection.

What matters is whether your body feels like it belongs to you again. 

Whether this moment feels like something you want, not just something you miss. 

Whether you’re choosing to connect or trying to prove something to yourself.

Readiness doesn’t mean certainty. It means being present.

You feel more curious than anxious. You’ve talked with your partner, or with yourself, about what you actually want. 

You’re not hiding from mirrors or questions. You’re open to using tools, not just hoping.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner may be adapting too. Menopause, discomfort, body image, this shift doesn’t just affect one side of the bed. 

Talk openly. Don’t guess. Consent, comfort, and pacing matter now more than ever.

What does a good first time look like after a long break?

It isn’t about climax or performance. It’s about feeling connected. Sharing something real, even if it’s imperfect. Having the space to stop and try again. 

It’s about touch, tone, and presence.

Making It Real

A man came back to see me recently, years after prostate surgery. He had just started using his implant.

He said, “Best decision I ever made.” Then paused and added, “Doc, I forgot what I was missing. Wow.”

Sometimes readiness shows up as relief. Sometimes it’s a quiet yes that surprises you.

You don’t have to be all the way back. Just willing to start.

And you don’t need to be fearless. Just ready enough to step in with honesty, care, and choice.