Deep Dive

What “Normal” Looks Like Now

Measuring Success When ED Becomes Part of the Story

Most men don’t ask out loud, “Will I ever be the way I used to be?”

But it is there. You can see it in the questions, in the hesitation, in the quiet moments they don’t talk about.

And the truth is: normal changes.

Before and After

For many men, erectile dysfunction draws a hard line between before and after:

• Before treatment, before cancer, before aging
  

• After surgery, after frustration, after avoidance

We naturally compare things. So we judge every experience by what came before. What it used to be.

That’s human. But it’s also incomplete.

Rethinking the Scorecard

We’re taught that “success” means spontaneous, hard, and reliable. 

That the measure of manhood is how well you perform without any meds, devices, or help.

But many men are discovering that success isn’t about what used to happen. It’s about what works now:

• Reliable enough to feel confident
  

• Intimate enough to feel close
  

• Real enough to stop pretending

For some, that includes firm erections again. For others, it means adapting—pills, injections, implants, conversations. None of these make you less of a man.

You Don’t Have to Keep Chasing

Not every man wants to get back to where he was. And not every man needs to.

I've seen men feel relieved. Truly relieved. When someone tells them it's okay to stop chasing hard erections. 

Okay to stop striving for intercourse or climax. Okay to stop performing just because they think they’re supposed to.

It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you less of a man.

Some men continue to explore sex and touch in new ways. 

Others quietly close that chapter and find closeness in other ways. Like conversation, tenderness, shared routines, being present.

It all counts.

Some men want to stop chasing. Others still want to pursue every option available. 

Either path deserves respect, as long as it's chosen and not assumed.

There’s no scoreboard. There’s no gold standard. What matters is whether you feel whole, connected, and at peace with where you are.

A Chance to Experiment

Letting go of old expectations can also open space to try something new.

To ask what your partner wants.

To explore touch without pressure.

To create intimacy that’s playful, not performance-based.

Sometimes, when men stop chasing a single goal, they find more connection, not less.

Partners often carry their own unspoken expectations, too. Rewriting this chapter together can reduce pressure on both sides.

The Invisible Wins

Success doesn’t always look like the highlight reel. It doesn’t come with applause.

Sometimes it’s:

• Trying again

• Feeling frustrated but not giving up

• Saying something instead of staying silent

• Choosing closeness, even with uncertainty

These moments aren’t failures. They’re progress.

You’re Not Failing. You’re Adapting.

It’s okay to miss how things used to be. But that’s not the same as giving up.

The real loss isn’t erectile dysfunction. It’s silence. Isolation. The belief that if it’s not what it was, it’s not worth it.

That’s not true. Bodies change. Intimacy does too. 

What matters is staying in the conversation with your partner, your doctor, and yourself.

Final Word

Success doesn’t mean going back. It means moving forward with clarity, confidence, and choices that match the life you have now.

Not every man wants to fix. Some want to adapt. Some want to stop chasing and start living differently.

Whatever your version is, that's valid. 

Just don’t let silence define it for you.